Ange Is Educational
by Reivalk
Summary: A drabble for each letter of the alphabet featuring the Angelique / Neo-Angelique cast, that pretends to 'enlighten' you on certain topics... what you actually learn is questionable, however XD. Various stages of insanity ahead. -Now at letters G & H-
1. A for Accounting

**A for ACCOUNTING **

"The balance sheet," Charlie's voice floated in cheerfully, "is the statement that sums up your financial status."  
Julious tried to ignore him. Hard. But after several minutes of hearing the voice outside his window go on about assets, liabilities and shareholders' equity, he caved in.  
"What is he doing ?" the blonde rose, giving up any pretense of playing chess. "It seems Charlie is sharing some of his business know-how." Luva smiled amiably.  
_To what end ?_ No one could fathom.  
They looked out and found the green-haired man strutting up and down the lawn in front of a sheepish Randy, a note-taking Marcel and a distinctly irked Zephel.  
Charlie raised a finger. "Next, you should know about---"  
Any further enlightenment was soon interrupted by a loud, frustrated yell, "**ENOUGH!!! JUST TELL US HOW TO START THE #$%#$%$ LEMONADE STAND!!!!!**"


	2. B for Blonde Theory

**B for 'BLONDE THEORY'**

Found scrawled on a piece of sodden notebook paper left over from a drinking party:

_8:30 PM _

_- 2nd round of cocktails:  
- Luva: coherency issues - Others: no change_

_9:30 PM_

_- Luva: voice changes pitch. Starts offering drinks to everyone.  
- Clavis: becoming unresponsive  
- Julious: lucid, but asks for... blankets ???  
_

_10:30 PM _

_- Luva : under the table_  
_- Clavis : asleep on the sofa, kicking off blankets_  
_- Oscar : losing heavily at cards_  
_- Julious : still coherent, "__Olivie, there's more in the cellar."  
- Olivie : Goes down stairs. In stilettos ?!?_

_10:45 PM _

_- Olivie : Comes up the cellar with more wine. No incidents.  
- Julious quits his cards. No one can play. Except Marcel (who doesn't know the rules)_

**_Summary: There appears to be a correlation between the level of alcohol tolerance and blonde-headed guardians, further observation is..._**

The rest of the page is missing. Ernst is suspected to possess the other half, if only someone can prove it.


	3. C for Censors

**C for CENSORS**

"This is disgusting." Zephel uttered from the couch, scowling at the gigantic flat-screen TV.  
Randy squirmed in his seat, "Don't look, Marcel."  
Marcel, who had his knees curled up to his chest and face buried in a cushion for good measure, only 'eeped' in response.  
It was about this time that Julious entered the room; the blue gaze switched from the trio to the screen, settled there for a few agonized seconds, and from the screen to Clavis in possession of the remote control. The blond was now highly tempted to remark on the standards of television and the cluttering of young minds with unnecessary gore & other nonsense.  
Clavis, of course, was one step ahead of him.  
"And this is why Julious doesn't eat it," the Guardian of Dark revealed, switching channels from the Food Network, when the segment on how to de-vein a large mass of _foie gra_s rolled to an end.


	4. D for Don Music ,erm, no, Daybreak

**D for Don Musi.. erm... DAYBREAK**

_Obieta sekai ni madoi nagara Kakusei wo shinjiru yokogao Oh-  
Oh-  
OHHHHH-_  
Nyx, seated at the piano, quit mid-verse, a hand at his brow. "So you see, unflattering as it is, I have failed to find a word that fits."  
Hyuga and J.D. exchanged glances.  
"What rhymes with '_nagara_' ?" asked J.D.  
"Our songs do not need to rhyme," the other reminded him, feeling quite grateful of the fact.  
Rayne, who had been silent all the while, suddenly snapped his fingers. "How about _Engris_h ?"  
Everyone thought Rayne's suggestion of 'when in doubt, use an _Engrish_ word' was a great idea.  
Words were thrown back & forth and tested with vigor, though ultimately rejected. Some of them being :  
"_Kakusei wo shinjiru yokogao Oh-- **VISION**_"  
Too cliche.  
"_Kakusei wo shinjiru yokogao Oh-- **ANGELIQUE**_"  
Too obvious. Though everyone liked it.  
"_Kakusei wo shinjiru yokogao Oh-- **AUBE HUNTERS**_"  
Too... self-glorifying... and embarrassing beyond belief, if Hyuga could be believed.  
An hour of futile English words went by with no success.  
So when J.D. tossed out "_OH--**CUPCAKE**!_" as a joke, Nyx's gloved fingers crashed jarringly on the piano keys. Hard.  
**"OH-- I'll never get it right! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!"**  
"Hey, wait ! We haven't even started the first season yet !"The blond grabbed his agonized compatriot just in time to prevent him from doing something foolish and -painful- to himself and the piano.....

They did not know it then, but this was the beginning of a strange, compulsive behavior that would plague them all until the completion of the new _Aube Hunters 4_ hit - _Joy To The World_.


	5. E for Environmental Health and Safety

**E for ENVIRONMENTAL HEALTH AND SAFETY**

He wasn't supposed to handle any experiments in a public meeting room, but it saved him a good walk and besides he had *locked* the door for good measure.

Roxy took out what look liked a laser pointer from his pocket and inspected the tag.

After all, what he was doing was pretty harmless.

On the carpet, he placed the ugly paperweight he had saved just for this occasion, pointed the device, hit the switch on its slim body, and watched the paperweight disappear into thin air as the blue-ish ray touched it. He tried several more objects, with the same results.

_Fun_. Now to move on to something bigger.

Turning, he took aim at a potted plant in the vicinity of the door.

A locked door that _opened_, of all the dumb luck.

"**ACK!**"

Okay, so he *forgot* that Ernst had the master code to every room in the building.

"It's not like it was dangerous you know," he said lightly, after an impasse.

"Didn't it just vaporize a potted plant ?" replied a tired voice from under the table, the one that Ernst dove under like his life depended on it.

"It's a transporter ray. It just moved the plant somewhere."

"Somewhere, like _where _exactly ?" the blue-haired man slowly emerged from his hiding place, retrieved his lost glasses and began wiping them on his sleeve.

"Ernst ?"

"Yes ?"

"What happened to your eyebrow ?"


	6. F for Follicles

**F for FOLLICLES**

Ernst was hunched over the table, head in his hands, as one tends to do when suffering a great personal loss. Nearby, the teleportation wand of doom was lying snugly in its protective case over a mess of reports. Also nearby, a discarded mirror of a candy pink, feminine design...

It had taken a good while for Ernst to calm down.

Especially when Roxy broke the news - he didn't actually know *where* the potted plant and the... other... things... had warped to.

"Maybe it'll grow back ?" he tried, sounding hopeful.

"IT'S *GONE*, ROXY. EVEN THE *FOLLICLES*."

Roxy waited to see if Ernst would move, to throw the mirror at him. When he didn't even look up, the older man took it and jogged out of the room (otherwise the female intern he had 'borrowed' it from might find it missing when she came back).

He was curious enough though, to stop at an empty terminal along the way to fire up the Internet.

_******What are follicles ?******_

**A/N:** Yes, I do believe Ernst's eyebrow got zapped to the Nth dimension xD  
And no, he didn't use the mirror to find out the follicles were missing xD Probably drew the conclusion from the institute's files (Or maybe he just took Roxy's explanation at face value *rofl*)


	7. G for Grammar

**G for GRAMMAR**

Consider this hypothetical situation.

The Aube Hunters are lost in a random forest for days.

Everyone is hungry, sleep-deprived and exhausted from fighting.

Nyx is murmuring "Darjeeling" and swearing in turns, Hyuga keeps telling everyone he needs a bath and J.D. is wet & slimy from being accidentally pushed into the last infested pool he tried to keep Hyuga out of.

Rayne is running low on ammunition, not to mention, patience.

The worst thing to ask at a time like this is -

_Is Thanatoi singular or plural ?_


	8. H for Hyperbole

**H for HYPERBOLE**

"When will the meeting end ?" Marcel whispered, watching the older guardians talk. "I'm getting really hungry."

"I don't know. I'm so hungry I could eat five burgers," Randy whispered back.

"I could eat ten," Zephel cut in.

"I could eat _twenty_."

This exchange went back and forth until Zephel suddenly declared, "Yeah ? I'm so hungry I could eat a googolplex of burgers !" And would have followed up with a "Hah, I win!" for good measure if it didn't hit him at that point how the room was eerily silent, and probably had been that way for awhile judging by the gamut of expressions on everyone's faces.

"What is this needless hyperbole ?" Julious asked, slowly.

"Actually, the last one was an adynaton," Luva observed, then laughed sheepishly when Julious looked unamused.

* * *

A/N: There supposedly isn't enough room in the universe to write down a googolplex in actual numbers, much less fit all the hamburgers Zephel claims he'd eat, so Luva calls this an adynaton (an exaggeration to the point of impossibility) instead of a hyperbole (an extreme exaggeration).


End file.
